I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Randomize
