This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I just found puke in my bra..
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
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