I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
