1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize