My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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