A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
