You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
