This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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