Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
