all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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