I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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