I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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