Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
