Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
