Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
