we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
