VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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