We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
I see more hoeing in ur future
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize