I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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