Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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