I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
