Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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