We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
