Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
