butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize