And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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