It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
