I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Boobs are out for the taking
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
