I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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