New low: just hacked my moms facebook
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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