I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
