i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
