is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
