Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
