My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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