I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Randomize
