Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
