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did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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