what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
