I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
