Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
