Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Say something about gay babies.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
50% drunk capacity currently
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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