She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
they're like a gay fantastic four
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
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