i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
