I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Randomize
