Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize