I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
