Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
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