When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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