Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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