My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
