She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
