I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
