Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I forget how to act sober
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
