dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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