And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
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