I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Randomize
