A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
