Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
