New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
