I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize