Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
No stitches, just platelets and will power
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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