nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
