I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
