YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
