There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
