His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
