My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I have grass duct taped all over my body
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
