Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize