Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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