i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
