I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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