you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
