I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
