I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
