we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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