you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
