We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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