Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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