I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
