I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
