omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Randomize
