i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
