I want to have your abortion
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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