im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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