so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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