Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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