in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
