dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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