I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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