I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
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